Where Are All the Single Old Men Hiding?
An H-town Exclusive from HastingsNow.com
Hey there, Hastings! It’s your friendly neighborhood storyteller from HastingsNow.com—your go-to spot for all things local, quirky, and downright hilarious. This week, one of our all-star contributors, Joann Kirkman, set our community abuzz with a simple yet oh-so-provocative question on the “Hastings, MN Community” Facebook page (yep, the one with around 30,000 members):
“Where are all the single old men hiding in Hastings?”
Well, if you haven’t been lurking in the comments lately, let’s just say the responses were nothing short of a local comedy special. With 145 zingers, quips, and downright wacky suggestions flying in, we’re here to break down the mystery. Buckle up, friends; this ride is as unpredictable as a Minnesota winter!
The Hunt Begins: Hiding Spots, Hometown Style
KFC, the Secret Hotspot?
Nicholas Mondragon kicked things off with a nugget of wisdom (pun absolutely intended):
“We hang out at KFC.”
Seems our elusive bachelors might just be indulging in some extra-crispy charm between bites of chicken. After all, nothing says “hidden in plain sight” like a bucket of chicken, right?
Dumpster Diving for Love?
Aaron Anthony White didn’t hold back either:
“In the dumpster where they was left by the last woman who used them because they got bored.”
Okay, now we’re getting into the territory of urban legends. Is this Hastings’ version of a “trophy hunt” or just some wild local banter? Either way, it’s a head-scratcher—and a conversation starter at every dinner table in town!
At Work, At Home, or On the Ice?
Our community’s collective wisdom seems to agree on one thing: these bachelors are as elusive as Bigfoot. Ruth Estes reminds us that they’re probably just out there doing everyday things:
“Probably at work, community activities, riding or walking the trails, dog park, maybe church. The thing is, you trip across it when you aren't looking.”
Meanwhile, Shaun Hoff and Mark Reinardy quip about them being busy—whether it’s hitting up a Wild game or just chilling at home with a full belly (thanks, Ed A. Messimore). And then there’s Jeremy Jeff Sonnek, who casually suggests:
“Ice fishing.”
Only in Hastings, folks, where even the most mundane activity (like ice fishing) might be the key to unlocking the secret bachelor hideout.
Dating Apps, Gas Stations, and Other Conspiracies
Some of our residents got a bit tech-savvy: Samantha Marie dropped a “Try Tinder,” while Serenity Sum quickly shot back, “Do not try tinder!” Meanwhile, an anonymous voice chimed in with the classic:
“Hiding out from the bs lol”
And let’s not forget the early-morning gas station brigade, with one clever soul remarking that our good men are spotted at local pumps from 5–7 AM. Talk about dedication—if nothing else, you know they’re up before the rest of us!
Other “Not-So-Secret” Locations
From Nathan Schiller (who apparently “will hit ya up”) to the mystery of “the closet” (Andrew Schreiner’s idea), and even the suggestion of “plow trucks” (Chris Palmer’s take), it’s clear that our single gentlemen might be scattered all over town. Whether they’re “working overtime,” “turning wrenches in their garages” (Jonathan Macheska’s observation), or just “staying home” (Mike Warner and Gary Frisinger’s verdict), one thing’s for sure: they’re everywhere, hiding in plain sight, and ready to be discovered by someone who dares to say “hi.”
Hastings, Let’s Talk: A Community Poll!
So, dear neighbors, we want to hear from you. Where do you think the good, single old men of Hastings are hiding? Is it between a bucket of KFC or behind the local ice shanty? Head over to our interactive poll below and cast your vote—let’s see if we can pinpoint the hotspots of Hastings bachelorhood together!
Where are all the single old men hiding in Hastings?
And Now… The Podcast: Hiding in Plain Sight
For those who love to hear the banter aloud (or if you just prefer to multitask while you stir your morning coffee), we’ve got a special podcast episode lined up.
Podcast Transcript: “Hiding in Plain Sight: The Hunt for Hastings’ Bachelors”
Stay Connected, H-town!
There you have it—a week of local laughs, clever comebacks, and a little mystery wrapped up in the ever-entertaining search for Hastings’ hidden bachelors. We hope you enjoyed this deep dive into the quirks of our community. Keep the conversation going by sharing your thoughts and maybe even a few more theories on where these elusive men might be found.
Remember, HastingsNow.com is all about celebrating our local stories, building connections, and having a good laugh along the way. So, until our next story (or next wild question from Joann), stay curious, stay kind, and most importantly—stay local, Hastings!
— Your Friends at HastingsNow.com
